Monday, December 17, 2012

Celebrity Review: The Pretty Much One Faces of Danny Trejo

OK everybody, I want you to close your eyes (but keep reading).  Think of a movie with a villain in it.  Preferably an action film, but it doesn't have to be.  Now think about the right hand henchman of that villain.  What do you see?

Scaring Good Guys Since 1944
Of course that is what you see.  How could you not?  Danny Trejo may be the hardest working man in Hollywood, with IMDB crediting him in a completely ridiculous 241 titles.  That is just about double the number of credits I can find for almost anyone else that I thought to look up (Full Disclosure: I didn't look anybody else up), and he isn't showing any signs of slowing.  In 2013, he already has THIRTEEN DAMNED TITLES that he is attached to, and 2013 hasn't even started yet.  It seems impossible, I know, so I began thinking to myself: how can this be?  It seems like he is in too many places all at the same time.  Does he never sleep?

And then it dawned on me.

Danny Trejo is not just one man.  Danny Trejo is Triplets.

I'm gone back and done exhaustive research tried to remember as many of his roles as possible to see if I can point out where Danny Trejo ends and Danny Trejo begins.  It's a working theory, but here is what I have come up with so far.

Stache-less Trejo?  The gods forfend.
The scene stealer.  This is the Trejo who you see in the most high profile roles, eating up screen time and badassing his way into the hearts and minds of moviegoers everywhere.  You probably got your first glimpse of Trejuno in From Dusk Til Dawn, Desperado, or Anaconda.  But Most likely you remember him from his turn in Con Air as "Johnny-23," where he earned the distinction of being the only person ever to play a rapist and not be the creepiest character in the movie (Thanks for the nightmares, Steve Buschemi!).  Although he usually plays the villain, it is said that he only agrees to sign on as the villain as long as he is going to die at the end.  What a Trejero!  (pronounced tray-HERE-oh)

Much more elusive is Danny Tredos, the one that does the dirty work.  He is the one you are watching when you see him turn up for an episode or two of some random television show, usually to kill somebody or attempt to kill somebody or talk about killing somebody or get killed by somebody.  The truth about Tredos is that he just isn't as good of an actor as his twin brother Trejuno, and too much exposure would surely expose the ruse.  Next time you are watching your favorite show and Tredos appears on the screen, be sure to raise your glass and toast him for doing what his brother won't do, and doing it well.

Sometime around the year 2000, a strange thing happened.  Nobody knows how or why, but Danny Trejo appeared in a movie, and not strictly as a villain.  My "sources" (AKA brain) indicate that the third Trejo Triplet, who had shunned the acting business his whole life, was suddenly given an opportunity due to scheduling conflicts that Trejuno and Tredos had at the time.  The result?  the "Machete" character in Spy Kids, resulting eventually in his own movie in which finally a Trejo, ever the villain, became a hero at last.  "reports" (this blog) indicate that the success of Tresjo as a movie hero has created a rift among the triplets, a score that will only be settled in a cage match whenever the trio decides to reveal their secret to the world.

A true underdog story.
 I know what you must be thinking right now; yes, I really did think this one through.  I've covered all of the angles here, and there is no way I am wrong.  Trejo is three men... unless he is actually four men, which is a theory I'm willing to entertain if not endorse.  If any of you are thinking of writing the Trejos and extorting them for money in exchange for not outing them, think very carefully about what you are doing.  I don't want to be the person responsible for sending Tredos back to jail.

Time to test your knowledge!

Match the correct Trejo to the corresponding roles:

A. Trejuno                                          Predators
B. Tredos                                           Reindeer Games    
                                                          Breaking Bad
C. Tresjo                                            Modern Family

Highlight the white bar for the answers!


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