Thursday, November 18, 2010

Game Review: Farkle- a Game of Guts, Luck, and a whole lot of Cursing

Many games vie for the title of "best dice game of all time."  Yahtzee.  3 man.  Craps.  That game that Adam and I made up when we were drunk that one time but now we can't remember how you play it (it was called Damn It, and it was a game for badasses).  All of these games attempt to lay claim to the title GOAT.  That's Greatest of All Time to those of you who don't read about sports all the time like a big nerd.  But then...

A New Challenger Approaches!!!!

Let's take a look at these two games, side by side, and see which one is really the best.  Remember, this is simply science at work, so if you don't like the outcome, then talk to Sir Isaac Newton.

If you don't believe in science, then how do you explain that hair?

Yahtzee is the clear favorite coming in.  This isn't Yahtzee's first rodeo, no sir, and it sure knows how to bring it when it needs to.  Five die to start with, and three chances to come up with the best score you can get.  Five die?  Three chances?  The younger, more fresh Farkle laughs at this pathetic attempt at game making.
Advantage: Farkle

Farkle doesn't appear to be intimidated at all in this match up... no, Farkle seems to be taking it right to Yahtzee from the opening bell.  Yahztee fires with 5 die to start the round, and oh it doesn't look good for Farkle.... but wait!  Farkle counters with a staggering 6 die first throw!  Unbelievable!  I've never seen such a thing!

This crazy bastard will science-slap the shit out of you.
Thats right people, 6 die.  And you know what?  You can have an infinite number of rolls provided your dice rolling skills are GOAT.  Talk about a hardcore dice game.  So Farkle wins, right?  Not so fast, loyal reader.  The strategic edge goes to Yahtzee, hands down.  It even says so right there on the Farkle box: "A game of guts and luck."  What that means is, you essentially need all of the brains of a concussed 3rd grader to win at this game.  Good thing or bad thing?  I'll let you decide.  Just remember, if you say that's a good thing then that means you are stupid.  Science again.  Cry to Albert Einstein if you don't agree.
Advantage: Yahtzee

What else sets these two games apart?  How about the scorecard?  For Farkle, all you need is a simple piece-of-paper-and-pen configuration, where if you want to play Yahtzee without the official scorecard, you better be able to replicate that thing.  Do you know how to add?  If you answered yes, you have everything you need to get started with Farkle.  Are you the biggest Yahztee nerd in history?  If you answered yes, then not only can you play Yahtzee with just a paper or pen, but you should also probably punch yourself in the nose.  Nerd it up on something cooler, or at least more popular.
Advantage: Farkle

Presentation?  This one is all Yahtzee.  How much snazzier does Yahtzee look than Farkle.  It's no contest.
Advantage: Yahtzee

Well, now that I invented something else for Yahtzee to win at, it's all tied up.  The tiebreaker shall be... an irritation off!  Which of these two games makes people more irritated?  Which one of these will cause you and your friends to flip out, curse, and throw the game across the room?  Everybody knows that how good a board game is is in direct correlation to how annoyed the players get.  I've played both of these games, so I am here to answer this difficult question for you.  Here's the breakdown:
       Yahtzee:  How annoying is this game?  Tell me after you've gone 5 turns in a row without getting the small straigh and your friend next to you JUST GOT THEIR SECOND YAHTZEE OF THE ROUND OH MY GOD.  Yeah, it's pretty irritating.  But you know what?  I'm always mad at the person next to me when I play this.  Yahtzee allows you to too easily blame your woes on everyone else, including that elusive Luck.  I'm going to name my second child Luck, just so everyone is always talking about how good he/she/it is or how bad he/she/it is.  But I digress.

       Farkle:  Ahh, here is a real game of irritation.  Watch as the person next to you rolls 10 consecutive times racking up the points, and then get ready for your turn.  Do you play it safe?  Take the points?  Or do you try to roll again and again like your friend there.  The worst part is, you have no one to blame but yourself when everything goes wrong.  I swear more than a pirate having a bad day on the golf course when I play this game, but I can't point the finger anywhere but right back at myself. @!$*.
Advantage: Farkle

So there you have it.  I could go into helpful things that most reviews might have like rules, or number of players, or cost of the game, but that's not really how I roll.  Instead, I'll give you these made up judges scorecards.
Judge #1: 3-2 Farkle
Judge #2: 3-2 Farkle
Judge #3: 4-1 Farkle
Judge #4: 5-0 Yahztee (He's French)
Judge #5: 2-2-1 Tie

Farkle Wins Bitches!  And in case you had any doubts before... do you want this to happen to you?

Case Closed.

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